Over our dead bodies! (our first apology and you’ll see why in a minute) You can accuse us of many things here at Belly Ache Central, most of which are probably true, but we have to say in our own defence that there are indeed some things we have, ummm… trouble with… but never-the-less soldier on! Take for example this ‘lovely’ little item that garnered a bit of international media attention after some, apparently bored journalist spied it on eBay.
He or she was probably just doing a little shopping on company time. In a nutshell, the New York state’s Office of Mental Health was, we speculate, undertaking (sorry for that) a bit of up-grading of equipment and decided to sell some of the old equipment on eBay. To be specific, they were selling an old morgue fridge. Lovely indeed. To be more precise it was a Norlake Scientific 4 Drawer Morgue Refrigerator. And while the very idea of auctioning off an old dead body chiller is clearly in the realm of the macabre, the eBay listing certainly seemed legit enough – after all, this is eBay and they do have standards you know.
The ad was actually pretty sterile (sorry yet again, we are actually trying to keep the puns at bay). It didn’t sensationalise, it didn’t gush with gruesome details, nor did it cash in on celebrity. The ad certainly could have hyped the celebrity – after all who knows what famous, or infamous, cadaver called the fridge their temporary resting place. There was simply a note describing the fridge as “used” and one photo of said fridge, bathed in a nearly ethereal golden light. A few other details were also provided… like the fact its compressor is located mounted on the top, its dimensions (6’ Wide x 8’ Deep x 6’ High) and the fact it is in “good condition” and “currently running”. One would presume it comes empty.
Oh, but there is one small hiccup for any would-be purchaser…it won’t actually fit through the door of the morgue and hence needs to be dismantled! So let’s think about this for a moment… we have a mortuary fridge that’s been in constant use (in New York some more), for let’s say at least five years, maybe a decade? Now we don’t want to get too specific here – because we don’t know about you, but we’re starting to feel a bit queasy – so we will use an analogy.
Think about that electric toaster on your Fret not if you were keen on this item but didn’t bid in time, the seller also has a few other incongruous items for sale, including: A colour photocopier, office supplies and a stainless steel broiler! We don’t want to speculate on what the connection might be with these items – particularly the broiler – and the ‘refrigerator’ because we’ve probably said too much already. Happy shopping! kitchen counter. If you were to dismantle it, there’s probably going to be a lot of ‘crumbs’ tucked away in the nooks and crannies of the device… now think about the fridge…OK,ok… we’ll stop here. You’ve probably got the idea already.
At this point you would think we’ve run out of things to talk about when it comes to this appliance of the afterworld. But fear not! The million dollar question remaining is, what would someone buy this thing for!?! Can you imagine coming home with it… ‘Hi honey, look what I bought today!’. A sure ticket to divorce court. So back to the question…would it be a butcher, looking to store his meat products? An ice cream parlour? A florist? How about a single party guy, looking for an extra large beer cooler? Or maybe it’s just as simple as a budget-minded undertaker looking out for a good bargain for his funeral home. Nahh, that’s not twisted enough.
At any rate, if any of this has piqued your interest and you’re reaching for your credit card, it’s too late! It’s been SOLD! We’re almost loathe to admit this, but we’ve been keeping an eye on the bidding war for this cool deal and we can tell you that from only a couple of hundred dollars a month ago, the stainless steel storer of death went for a slightly less than frosty US$3,049 after 68 eager bidders clamoured after the corpse keeper (sorry again, we’re just having too much fun with this).
We tried Googling mortuary fridges to see what the price of one of these babies is new… but when we typed ‘what is the cost of a four door mortuary refrigerator’ into the search tab we given a link to LG refrigerators! For all you people out there using that esteemed Korean brand, try not to think about it next time you reach in to grab that hamburger meat you’ve been defrosting! Ewwwh.
And before we go, should any of you happen to be the lucky purchaser, do please let us know what you’re using it for! It’s really not that weird of question if you think about it… try thinking ‘perishable business’…
