Sea freight… vroom, vroom! This next story should bring some cheer to the doom and gloom of the air cargo industry as it clearly shows the, ahem, inferior nature of ocean shipping. Wharf inspectors in Brisbane recently discovered a stolen 1968 Chevrolet Corvette V8 convertible after prying open the doors of a shipping container that had been sitting on the dock for… drum roll please… ten years! Woohoo! This clearly brings new meaning to terms like ‘lay away’, ‘deferred delivery’, ‘slow steaming’ and so on and so forth. All we can say here is that it’s a lucky thing the car was stalled in Brisbane because obviously the climate was kind to the rubber and steel. Had it been in tropical Southeast Asia it would have been reduced to rubbish by the heat and humidity! But actually the real question we want to know is… who exactly were the freight forwarder and shipping line involved! Not exactly a ringing endorsement for on-time delivery! The redesigned 1968 Corvette featured what became known as the ‘Coke Bottle’ shape, which with its improved aerodynamics, was the originator of a succession of US classic sports cars that became famous around the world. According to Australian news reports, the original owner of the car is believed to have received an insurance payout after the vehicle was stolen and it will now be auctioned. The 44-year-old, 5.4-litre V8 Corvette, with only 77,000 km on its odometer is expected to fetch around US$20,000. Ahh yes, the Philippines where necessity truly is the mother of invention! First it was the underwear bomber and now… it’s underwear monkey business – now hold on, we know what you’re thinking, but do please read on. Before we start we have to state for the record that obviously the main characters in this story aren’t the brightest light bulbs on the planet! Apparently, three male passengers from the United Arab Emirates were arrested at India’s New Delhi airport after security guards caught them hiding a near-extinct species of primate in their… wait for it… underwear! The lorises – a nocturnal (and carnivorous – ouchhhh!) animal found in tropical forests in South and Southeast Asia – were concealed in pouches in the passengers’ briefs. These little monkey cousins are apparently prized as exotic pets in some countries – whatever happened to dogs, cats, birds, gerbils and fish? Anyway, the trio were on their way to Dubai from Bangkok when security at Indira Gandhi International Airport in Delhi noticed a… ummmh… bulge in their underwear during what can only be described as a ‘hand search’. Here in the Belly Ache department we’ve been speculating for hours… well ok, it was like 10 minutes… as to what gave the clever lads away. Was it the unusually large bulge in the front of their pants? Perhaps it was the squirming motion (we Googled it and just so you know these little creatures are nocturnal and spend their nights foraging!. Maybe it was the odd krik, krik sound emanating from their crotches? It could also be the wet stain on their pants as if they had wet themselves (a loris marks its territory by urinating – you see we’re fast becoming experts here). Or, just maybe it was the rather peculiar smile on the faces of these three gentlemen. Whatever the case, you’ll be glad to know the lorises were said to be, “OK, but deteriorating”, according to a customs official. Yeah, we can understand the deteriorating part… can you imagine being stuffed into somebody’s underwear for countless hours… phewwww. But, fear not. All’s well that ends well. They are now in the hands of People For Animals, a Delhibased charity. As for the smugglers… word has it they’ve been shipped off to the zoo to room with the baboons for a while. And while thinking of some words of wisdom to impart from all of this, the Belly Achers have just one thing to say: It brings new meaning to the old saying: ‘Is that a loris in your pants, or are you just glad to see me!?!’