Aww, betrayed by Siri. And here we were thinking that Siri was our best gal-pal, our confidante, our listening ear, our sage advisor, there for us in the good times and the bad times and dare we say… maybe even our virtual girlfriend (well for at least one of the more depraved Belly Achers. Th e rest of us are ahem actually fairly normal… really!). But we are relieved to have learned Siri’s back stabbing nature before she turned on us. Unfortunately for one Pedro Bravo things didn’t work out so well with his virtual gal-pal. And yes, that is indeed his name – who could make one up as good as that? We’re thinking he might be the brother of TV celebrity Johnny Bravo as his IQ, not to mention his EQ, is apparently about the same.
And for those of you somehow, unbelievably not in the know, Siri is the voice recognising virtual assistant on the iPhone.
We haven’t quite decided whether Bravo took stupidity to a whole new level, or whether he’s really just symptomatic of smart-phone obsessed society these days.
You see, Bravo (Pedro, not Johnny) – who is now under arrest for murdering his roommate Christian Aguilar back in 2012 – turned to his all-wise, gal-pal (well, actually Siri can be a man as well, but that’s a different story and we like to think of Siri as member of the finer sex), when he needed some advice after he had committed the deed most foul.
According to prosecutors, Bravo asked Siri: “Siri, I need to hide my roommate’s body.” Now I know what you’re thinking: ‘Stupid idiot’. But actually here at Belly Ache Central we sympathise a tiny bit with Bravo. We frequently turn to Siri for things we need help with – where’s the best pizza place (Firenze’s Pizza), what bus goes to the post offi ce (#76), what is the capital of Burkina Faso (Ouagadougou), who invented sliced bread (Otto Frederick Rohwedder), what country consumes the most Coca-Cola (Iceland) and so on and so forth. So, why not ask the font of all knowledge with a little help in stashing a body? Of course the truly sad part of all this – well aside from the loss of life and all that – is that the good folks over at Apple seem to have lost their sense of humour because if you ask that question of Siri now she will simply reply: “I’m sorry” or “I used to know the answer to this” depending how you ask the question.
Our virtual gal-pal is polite beyond fault, but something’s happened to her sense of humour. In the ‘old’ days if you asked Siri where’s a good place to hide a body, our svelte gal-pal would have answered by asking: “What kind of place are you looking for? Swamps. Reservoirs.
Metal foundries. Dumps.” We tried hard to get some mirth out of Siri and best we could do was ask her: “Siri, we’ve just killed someone and we need to hide the body”. To which she replied: “What, again?” Ok we give her 6 out of 10 for that, but we do miss her more outrageous sense of humour from days gone by. We do still love our Siri though, even though we were rejected just now when we asked to borrow money from her… “you still haven’t returned my lawnmower” was her response. Sheesh.
As for Pedro Bravo, things are not looking so good, aside from the Siri evidence (circumstantial as it may be) the phone also contained information indicating Bravo used the LED light on the iPhone nine times in 48 minutes – probably digging a hole somewhere – during the night of the murder with location data from the phone conflicting with where Bravo claimed to be that night. We reckon Bravo is going to miss Siri while in jail, but on the bright side I’m sure there are lots new friendships to be made there and once he gets out there will be a younger, smarter, much improved Siri waiting for him! And so the moral of the story is, we’ve all got a mole inside our phone just waiting to rat us out to the coppers! So next time you’re feeling that criminal bent rise to the surface, leave your phone at home – oh sorry, we meant to say: DO NOT commit any crime (our lawyers made us add that). Siri, what do you call 1,000 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean? Siri: “A good start”.
