Tickets to heaven! Here’s a story that had the Belly Achers practically rolling on the floor! It is a quirky tale and while quite unbelievable, it was picked up by major news outlets all over the world and of course, in this day and age, it went viral. But if you somehow missed it, here’s the story. The headline: Florida Couple Charged With Selling Fake Tickets To Get Into Heaven.
The stor y re volves around the husband and wife team of Tito and Amanda Watts – a rather striking couple and undoubtably a match made in… well, heaven. According to Jacksonville, Florida Police, the dynamic duo were were arrested after being accused of selling the tickets to hundreds of people. Tito and Amanda were selling the tickets on the street for the bargain price of US$99.99 a piece, telling buyers that the tickets were made of solid gold with each guaranteeing the buyer a place in heaven by simply presenting it at the entrance the Pearly Gates.
The only problem is, the tickets, whose ulimate powers cannot be verified at this time, were not actually solid gold, but chunks of wood spray painted gold! Police were said to have confiscated over $10,000 in cash (apparently there are a lot of people who think they need extra help getting into heaven), five crack pipes and a baby alligator. And no, we cannot find any plausible reason for a baby alligator in this scenario!
A police spokesman allegedly said: “People can sell tickets to heaven. But the Watts’ misrepresented their product.
The tickets were just wood spray painted gold with ‘Ticket To Heaven – Admit One’ written in marker. “You can’t sell something as gold when it’s not. That’s where the Watts crossed the line into doing something illegal.” So, the fact that the entrance to heaven with the ’ticket’ is likely a complete and utter fabrication that was not even an issue in the arrest!
In a statement to the police, Tito Watts reportedly said: “I don’t care what the police say.
The tickets are solid gold… it ain’t cut up two by fours I spray painted gold. “And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of crack cocaine.”
The statement went on: “You can smoke all the crack cocaine there you want… totally free. So, try to send an innocent man to jail and see what happens. You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up.”
But alas, like all things in this world that seem to good to be true, so it is with this story. As it turns out it was an awesome April Fools’ Day rouse that caught out many legitimate newspapers and online news sites! At Belly Ache our pride has been stung. We’ve been bested in the theatre of the absurd! Well… all we can say is watch out next April!
And as apart of our ongoing educuational programme, we bring to you – in simplified form for easy comprehension – the precise details of how aircraft actually fly. There will be test at the end of it.
